Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
