I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
