I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
