the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
