Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
