I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
