who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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