I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
