i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
