Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
