I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
that may or may not have been my penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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