I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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