She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
