heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
