i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
