i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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