he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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