Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
