Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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