I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
