I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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