Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
