Where is the hickey?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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