OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
