My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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