Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
