i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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