maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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