For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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