it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
