??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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