You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
