literally had 100 drinks last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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