oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
In America we eat man semen.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I believe in your delicious
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
