FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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