I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
