During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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