4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
