everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
