Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
