College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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