I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
