I must be too annoying 4 u.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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