If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
