some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
