I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
