the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
