"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
