I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
