the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
