Who did Billy Mays play for?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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