Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
