theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've blown a few things in my day
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My bed smells like the plague
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