I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
