I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
