thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
