mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
