He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
whose ass print is on the piano?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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