covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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