I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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