Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
