I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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