your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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