My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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