We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
