It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's get the cat blown out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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