it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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