I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
