First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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