With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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