Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
