My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
