oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
