i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Enjoy the penises
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
