I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it glows. i had to have it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
