now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's always time for handjobs
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
