I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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