i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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