Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
