Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
