the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
