Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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