do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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