Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
