Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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